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Fault in our Stars

“The Fault In Our Stars” Survival Guide

ShareHowever useless I would be in the event of plagues, natural disasters and the like, I am your best friend when it comes to social phenomena launched by teenagers. Give up trying to ignore this Fault in Our Stars thing with those weird clouds and girls who cry when you say the word “okay” to […]

Divergent

My Internal Tweet Monologue During “Divergent”

ShareNo mystery behind teen apocalypse phenom: Your feelings are literally the center of the world & u get hot bf. SOLD. Gasp! It’s Rose! Where’s Jack, Rose? Where’s Jack? Still in the ocean where u let him freeze and die? #1997 #NeverForget No one ever mentioned Skrillex in the books. Who’s making this music? The […]

Hunger Games Catching Fire

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” Gets SQUEEE! Stars Out of Ten

It’s hard to think of another time I’ve been so relieved walking out of a movie theater. Book-to-movie adaptations are hard, and a series of books you have a perplexingly intense emotional attachment to are harder yet. So despite my somewhat-less-than-nonpartisan evening with part of the cast from Catching Fire at the Mall of America, […]

Hunger Games Victory Tour 4 copy

Why Yes, In Fact the Hunger Games Victory Tour WAS the Best Thing Ever, Thanks For Asking

In my young life I have seen and felt both the power of the Internet and that of hormonal teenagers. I have been those hormones. I have waited for hours in queue halls at comic cons with hundreds of people dressed as things both familiar and not. I’ve done that…very recently. So when I say […]

Pacific Rim

“Pacific Rim”: Disaster Porn That Arouses All the Senses

When the Internet first whispered the words Pacific Rim to me, it was around ComicCon time last year. Then the Internet started screaming about “giant aliens,” “giant robots,” and “Guillermo del Toro.” Then the Internet gasped something about Ron Pearlman, passed out, and I was left in a state of confused excitement for months on […]

Man of Steel

Zack Snyder Defies Expectations: “Man of Steel” Doesn’t Suck

I was worried about Man of Steel. The most obscenely over-powered superhero of all time as presented by Zack Snyder, maker of the offensively awful Sucker Punch? I didn’t feel much better when the movie started on the MMO-inspired planet of Krypton, complete with flying dragons (or something). But I got a lot more comfortable […]

Birds

A Comprehensive Guide to Fowl, from Worst to Best

Swans Have you been to a state fair? Have you seen the rooms with rabbits, chickens, ducks and swans all in cages waiting to be judged? Rabbits are in the cages because they are reasonable creatures who would like to leave the fair. Swans are in cages to protect you. From them. Swans are what […]

Star Trek Into Darkness

“Star Trek: Into Darkness” Is Fine, But It’s Still No “Galaxy Quest”

Recently Kumail Nanjiani tweeted that the best Star Trek film was Galaxy Quest. I laughed at that because it’s a funny joke, but after having seen Star Trek: Into Darkness I enthusiastically agree with Kumail. I don’t want to give you nightmares, but I feel like there’s something really important you need to know: there was […]

Iron Man 3

“Iron Man 3″ is More of the Same—In a Good Way

I’m going to keep this short and sweet so that I don’t waste too much of your time before you go buy your tickets for Iron Man 3, which opens today. I suspect that people who hate fun and routinely miss the point will say things like “I’ve seen this before.” And my response to […]

ricky

Congratulations on Your Very Own Ricky Rubio!

I’m sure you want to jump right into life with your new Ricky, but let’s get to know him first. Legend says that Ricky’s father was Javier Bardem and that his mother was a gentle doe who roamed the lush Iberian forests. One day when the doe came across a cool forest pond she bent […]

Les Miserables Movie

“Les Miserables” Sheds Bombast, for Better and for Worse, in Stage-to-Screen Transition

As a musical-theater-loving spazz, before I even walked into the theater I had my review of Les Miserables all planned out as a rage comic highlighting my biggest feels and reaction GIFs of Adventure Time characters flailing. I’m sad to say that after viewing the film that’s not really how it went. For me, one […]

Hobbit Movie

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” Is Not Just Bad, It’s Jar Jar Bad

Love or hate The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, you have to respect Peter Jackson’s contribution to the technology used to make bad movies. Let’s be honest, 48 frames per second in 3D is the single greatest thing this century to push forward the nauseating art of the bad movie. It’s so bad I hope to […]

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