Cats Are Better Than Dogs
Loving a dog is fucking easy. Here’s how your relationship with a dog works: you enter their life; they enter your life. You either li..
Study: Chubby Kids Superior to Non-chubby Kids
See?
Better Living Through Alcohol
So you really blow. You’re feeling like no matter what you do everyone hates you because you accidentally “sexually molest people” or yo..
The Smells of a Gay Bar
You’re greeted by the sweetest smelling urinal cake you’ve ever encountered. You’ve just walked into the bar, and it takes a moment to..
Pornography and Justin Bieber
Hello! Thank you for clicking, and welcome to the Internet!
It’s likely you’re here because you’re a) looking for pornography, or b) ..
When Cats Piss the Bed
The following essay is compiled of excerpts from comments on a forum about cats peeing in improper places. Each line has been taken from..
The Tangential Gets Tussed Up and Live Tweets ‘The Little Mermaid’
Last night, celebrity Har Mar Superstar took acid and went to a screening of Justin Bieber’s movie–in 3D. He live tweeted the event for..
Celebrity Posters For Your Hipstery Bedroom
-Jason Zabel will never buy farts
How to Get That Spark Back Between You and Your Pet
1. When kissing your pet, don’t be afraid to reciprocate with a little tongue. Your pet doesn’t understand non-tongue kisses. You’..
How To Stay Moist
1. The best fix for this problem is quite simple: purchase a large plastic suit, similar to the above picture. Before entering the suit,..
Things My Parents Say While Watching 'American Idol'
“Well I don’t think there’s anything too special about her.”
“He doesn’t deserve any of this!”
“Well that was very strange.”
“She’s g..
What Facebook Thinks About My Friendships
Facebook thinks I’m a drunken teddy bear-hugger. The “See Frienship” tab is an exercise in a computer editing my life. Computer-selected p..