How to be a man, despite not being manly
If you’re the only man present in a room full of women, and they want to know “what boys think,” make it up. It’s your time to be a ma..
How Much Was Your Friday Night Like Katy Perry’s?
Did you awake with a stranger in your bed?
Was there a pounding in your head?
Was there glitter all over your room?
Were there pink..
The underground clown sex scene, revealed
The best part about being a clown is not the opportunity to make a child’s day. It’s not the abundance of novelty-sized lollipops, the..
Stories The Tangential Won’t Write, Inspired By Stories We Have Written
A Guide To Fucking Your Grandma
10 Ways To Get Your Neighborhood Pedophile to Flirt with You on Facebook
10 Types of Ice Cream We Do..
How You Will Die Based On Where You Lost Your Virginity
Location where virginity was lost: Barn
How you will die: It will be a brisk November morning, the first very cold day of what will b..
What Your Perm Says About You
Sex life?: Everyone who has ever had The Bernice lost her virg..
If the ‘bible’ was re-written by Hipster Runoff’s ‘Carles’
In the beginning, ‘god’ created the relevant buzzband.
And the relevant buzzband was without PBR, ‘asymmetrical hair,’ and ‘legions o..
Thoughts I’ve Never Really Had About Lady Gaga
I wish Lady Gaga wasn’t so “wise.” I wish she didn’t have opinions about sex and politics and life and culture and fashion and little mons..
Conversations from “House Hunters”
“This bedroom is a little small.”
“But you’ve gotta like how close it is to the bathroom.”
“This yard doesn’t have a privacy fence.”..
In Defense of Bristol Palin’s New Chin
I’ve always felt a certain closeness to Bristol Palin. From the moment I saw her squirrelly cheeks, her pregnant belly, and the man-meat r..
Overheard: Questions an Elderly Woman Asked at an Indian Food Buffet
1. Do you have a senior discount?
2. Why not?
3. What about smaller portions?
4. You think I can eat as much as that young gentlema..
On Being the Middle Child
It’s true: I was beat up a lot when I was younger. At first by my older brother Aaron, a man who still makes me flinch whenever we encou..