The Script for Every Episode of House Hunters International Ever

The Script for Every Episode of House Hunters International Ever


Michaela is giving up her Dream Job that Pays Less than Her Husband Michael’s to follow her husband to Exotic New City for his High Paying Job. But will her need for Budget-Breaking Luxury win out over his Manly Ability to Balance the Budget? We’ll find out as the Johnsons hit Exotic City.

Their budget is only $Something Higher Than You Will Ever Have in Your Life, but it’s going to be hard to pull off with their need to Claim All Oceanfront Territory in the World for White Americans.

Michaela only cares about two things: having a bathtub and Making Her Husband Spend as Much as Possible. A nice kitchen and a short drive to the kids’ school wouldn’t be bad either.

The problem is, to fulfill everything that Michaela wants, we have to pick a house that ensures Michael’s commute to his Important Job takes no less than An Ungodly Amount of Time Every Day. Michael is ok with this, as long as the house is close to the beach so he can Spend as Little Time with His Family as Possible. What will this globetrotting couple do?

After seeing three houses chosen for their purposely divisive differences, they’re not sure what to do. Give Michael his beachfront haven or Michaela her bathtub?

After much discussion, Michael finally drops the House Hunters Classic Line of All Time: “Happy wife, happy life.”

Bathtub it is.

Becky Lang watches a lot of T.V.