The 10 most depressing things about being a single, straight, male cat owner
1. Even women who love cats secretly judge you for not owning a dog.
2. Women with cat allergies are immediately removed from your dating pool. Add in women who aren’t into cats, and you’re already starting at a disadvantage. As if help would matter, you pathetic, cat-owning man.
3. You can’t bring your cat to a park to meet women. Unless you’re insane.
4. A great icebreaker on a first date is to compare cat pictures. However, for some reason, this doesn’t make a woman any more likely to sleep with you.
5. Your friends make endless jokes along the lines of “At least you’re getting SOME pussy!” whenever you say anything about your cat. Which is often, because you’re lonely and sad.
6. Cleaning a litter box is surprisingly difficult after a long day of drowning your loneliness in alcohol.
7. As if your self-confidence isn’t low enough, if your cat ever sees your penis, your cat immediately looks away.
8. Cats spend their entire existence emasculating you. You take it because they’re fluffy and you lack self-esteem.
9. If you’re ever feeling lonely, your cat is nowhere to be found. If you’re out for a night on the town, your cat is all you think about.
10. Women will certainly lend a sympathetic ear if your cat dies. For some reason, this doesn’t make them any more likely to sleep with you.