-What percentage of her wardrobe would you say is from Target? 110%? That’s where I buy my dog’s chew toys and nothing else.

-Her Instagram following to follower ratio makes me want to vomit these organic Oatie-O’s all over my Dolce and Gabbana pajama footies.

-Look who has spent her life eating a few too many Happy Meals.

-Tevas? Oh my god, we fired my last nanny for wearing those.

-Her name is so Germanic.

-Is your manicurist trying to sabotage your love life through your cuticle beds? Oh wait, you’re too poor to have one.

-She looks like Nina Garcia if she were Benjamin Button-ing badly.

-I bet her 5-year-old niece wears gauche “Daddy’s Girl” shirts and Disney Princess Tiaras.

-Sometimes it’s like she’s never even set foot outside the continental United States.

-Oh cute, her living room is like a messy Ikea catalog page, and she thinks that’s stylish.

-Her boyfriend has a mustache? So 2008.

–Becky Lang personally thinks her niece’s unbottled style is way more punk rock than this kid’s