-Your hot graphic designer friend who sometimes misappropriates Native American headdresses for fashion reasons saying she’s getting married to a 60-year-old intellectual property lawyer who still uses Proactiv.

or

          –Liz Lemon marrying the beeper king

-Avril Lavigne marrying the dude from Nickelback

-Your mom suddenly deciding to become a Zumba instructor and somehow in the process ruining Zumba for everyone

-Comcast buying Apple 10 years after Netflix has marginalized Comcast

-Your most inspiring high school English teacher who smoked pot with you once in college going back to school to study SEO

-The bar where you planned your going away party featuring Simpsons-themed shots becoming a Seattle’s Best

-Dr. Evil saying “1 Billion Dollars!” on an infinite loop that somehow destroys every startup

-An odd couple comedy about an adopted iPad DJ teaching his lonely new father about graphic design

-An odd couple comedy about someone who looks like Kristen Bell very sassily teaching someone who looks like Andrew Garfield’s nerdy brother how to balance a checkbook

-A weird dream that you talk about in a marketing meeting about how to get more dogs to wear shoes

–Becky Lang really likes Tumblr and feels weird