Take a drink:

• Every time you see anthropomorphic food.

• Every time a bell or chime rings.

• Gonzo directly quotes Dickens.

• Rizzo asks Gonzo a question.

• Someone says “Merry Christmas” or “humbug.”

• Kermit’s mouth does that scrunched-up thing where it’s really obvious there’s a hand in his head.

• A Muppet runs frantically from one side of the screen to the other.

• Someone talks about being hungry.

• A genuinely scary ghost appears. (This definitely includes the creepy little-girl Ghost of Christmas Past, and might also include the ghosts of Christmas Present and Future.)

• A character suddenly reverses disposition for comic effect.

Finish your drink when:

• Scrooge’s fiancée Belle sings “When Love Is Gone” (for less drinking, watch the widescreen DVD or the BluRay, both of which cut this song).

• “God bless us, every one!”

– Jay Gabler and discreetly unnamed collaborators