Things Everyone Thinks They’re the First One to Tell You

Things Everyone Thinks They’re the First One to Tell You


“You’ve kissed the Blarney Stone? People have peed on that, you know.”

“Your cat sheds all over the place.”

“The keg’s empty.”

“Hey, you’re staring to get a little salt-and-pepper around the temples!”

“Hitler wasn’t actually born in Germany.”

“[Celebrity] died!”

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like [unattractive celebrity]?”

“Are you related to [celebrity with the same last name as you]?”

“If you watch the pattern created by the leaves after Simba lays on a rock in The Lion King, they spell ‘SEX’ in the air.”

“The priest in The Little Mermaid totally has a boner.”

“Windows sucks. You should get a Mac.”

“You’ve got a dent in your fender here.”

“Tomatoes aren’t actually a vegetable.”

“You like a movie by Woody Allen? Um, you need to know that he’s a total perv. He married his daughter, basically.”

“This has been the hottest July on record!”

“You’d experience more intense sexual pleasure if your parents hadn’t made the doctor cut off part of your penis when you were three days old.”

Jay Gabler, Katie Sisneros, and Chrissy Stockton, inspired by Marnie Shure’s tweet about the Blarney Stone


Photo by Gráinne O’Reilly (Creative Commons)