Shitty stuff. Your car will break down, your pets will die.

Exclamation marks in porno titles. It’s never Gemini Starr Gets Rammed, always Gemini Starr Gets Rammed!!!!!!

Bread prices. $2.29 for Sara Lee, a buck more for the potato variety.

Snail mail. If the U.S. Postal Service says it’ll come in three days, it’ll come in three fucking days.

Your mom’s haircut. Rockin’ it short since ‘84.

Coconut. You either love it or you want to chop it into little pieces, tie cement blocks to it, and chuck it into the nearest river.

Phone batteries. Five little charger bars, then suddenly two little charger bars, aaaaaand it’s gone.

Towels. Always kind of awkwardly damp, except for the 30 seconds immediately after they come out of the dryer.

Pringles. Once you pop, you just can’t…you know the drill.

Attitudes about weather. It’s cold cold cold and why do we even live here yack yack yack until the first ray of sunshine touches down and then it’s bitch bitch bitch so goddamn hot.

-Natalie Berkley