Calling their significant other “babe,” unless said person is actually a babe. Like, wrapped in swaddling clothes.

Making their profile pic a sonogram of their unborn child, unless the child has an interesting deformity.

Using joint Facebook accounts, so all their likes and comments come from “TiffanyAndChad McDouglepants”

Whisper-yelling in restaurants.

Deliberately touching noses with the intent of being adorable.

Insisting that they only keep separate checking accounts “for gift buying purposes.”

Procreating before both parties are aware that mom will likely poop during birth.

Calling any activity they do together after 7 p.m. a “date night.”

Sharing cart-pushing responsibilities at Target.

Having a song. (“Oh my God! This is our song!” 1 squeals at 2 when Etta James’ “At Last” comes on.)

Having an ironic song. (“Oh my God! This is our song! 2 squeals at 1 when N.W.A’s “A Bitch Iz A Bitch” comes on.)

Tweeting at each other every couple of hours as if you haven’t been GChatting all day anyway.

Standing on either side of a set of railroad tracks, holding hands, while looking off in the distance.

Marrying in secret after a single kiss (at least send a dickpic) and totally failing to communicate about fake suicide plans (txt plz).

Throwing lordlings out windows.

Ever using the phrase “our chapstick.”

Saying they’ll do anything for love, when we all know they won’t do that.

– Katie Sisneros and Christian Dahlager

Photo by Tela Chhe (Creative Commons)