- Shirt’s not goin’ anywhere.
- Makes you feel like a grownup, ‘cuz hey, you tucked your shirt in. Now go research mortgage rates and make a donation to public radio while you’re at it. Wait, what did you say? LEVI CLASSIC FIT STRAIGHT LEG JEANS ARE ON SALE AT JC PENNY’S? BRB.
- Causes you to feel mischievous and “alive” because you have a sexy (sort of) secret that nobody knows about. Start living more on the edge. Do a lot of lower lip-biting think about buying a motorcycle. Nope, let’s not go overboard, how about a moped? A black moped. Or maybe just a pink one, LOL. That’ll match your purse better anyway.
- If you’re the wait-til-yer-bout-to-explode type of bathroom user, this practice will only make your life harder and potentially, God forbid, messier :-/
- Doing it reminds you of your Aunt Margo who swears by it and is, thus, mocked endlessly by the entire family including Uncle Jake who is no position to make fun of things that aren’t worth making fun of ever since he got super drunk at Easter and left for three hours only to come back in time for dessert sporting a huge stomach tattoo of Olivia Newton John. If Uncle Jake thinks what you’re doing is worth ridiculing, then it really fucking is.
- If you somehow manage to take a boy home, you’ll have some ‘splaining to do when the clothes start coming off. No matter how hard you try to convey all the pros involved in tucking your shirt into your undies, he will be laughing too hard to do the sex and will probably ask if he can take a photo of your situation to put on his “LOL – is dis real lyfe?” board on Pinterest. Let him do it, though, because life is so trivial and we’re all going to die someday. Just try not to look pouty or fat.