8-year-old single person: Wanna play video games?

8-year-old single friend: Cool.

12-year-old single person: Wanna go to the mall?

12-year-old coupled friend: Okay, maybe, but lemme text to see who’s gonna be there, because we kinda promised to hang out today maybe I don’t know I’M SO NERVOUS!!!

17-year-old single person: Wanna go to this concert?

17-year-old coupled friend: PROM DRESS TUX FLOWERS PHOTOS PEDICURE AAAAAHHHHH

20-year-old single person: Wanna go to a party?

20-year-old coupled friend: We had sex but we’re not in love and now I kinda like this other person and I think maybe we should break up but I’m horny and we’re Facebook official and what am I supposed to do?!?!

23-year-old single person: Wanna get a beer?

23-year-old coupled friend: Okay, but first will you take a pic of us?!? [cheek to cheek pose]

27-year-old single person: Wanna go to a movie?

27-year-old coupled friend: INVITES WEDDING DRESS CATERING CAKE OMG AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

30-year-old single person: Wanna help me paint my apartment?

30-year-old coupled friend: Sorry, but we have squirrels in our attic and the gutters are falling off and the neighbor is complaining about the fence and I really need to go to IKEA because the guest room needs a mirror and do you think they’ll have that plastic stuff we can put over the windows because our heating bill is crazy and Dutch Elm Disease and property values and refinancing and house house house house house house house house house house I’ve gotta take a nap.

33-year-old single person: Wanna take a road trip?

33-year-old coupled friend: I can’t believe my little guy Liam is already two years old! Toilet training preschool healthy food grandparents Wiggles Dora Caillou PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS

36-year-old single person: Wanna play video games?

Liam: Cool.

– Jay Gabler

Photo by Tiffany LeMaistre (Creative Commons)