Katniss

Pros:
Braids that aren’t overtly kinky
Doesn’t care about “still being me” when forced into killing battle
Probably has some wild boar onhand to munch on after getting frisky

Cons:
Might stop mid-coitus to like bring her sister some cocoa
Stare-y eye mom might peek in your window
Might wanna have sex up high in a tree and then you’d have to admit you don’t CLIMB like that
Might volunteer for everything, like moonwalk competitions and flaming juggling contests
Always wants to munch on wild boar after getting frisky, wtf?

Peeta

Pros:
Kind of looks like a Japanese boyfriend pillow
Will eat poison berries if you get sick of him

Cons:
Might throw bread at you
Kinda looks like Link
Might throw a sack of flour at you
Carbs are bad for your figure
Might paint himself to look just like your bed and then be like WHATUP while you’re picking your nose
Little sissy bitch with no skills besides painting his face

Gale

Pros:
Can kill bunnies for you to eat
Nice to look at
Probably has bigger peen than Peeta

Cons:
Expert at being in the friend zone (often forgets to come out)
When you’re like “I’m fucking Gale” people will be like “Is that one of the Golden Girls?”

Cinna

Pros:
Would let you put makeup on him
Good at electronic flames
Bet he has more earrings than you can see if you know what we mean!

Cons:
Apparently looks like Lenny Kravitz
Probably rhymes like Dr. Suess when dirty talking

Effie

Pros:
Leaves you with cool purple lipstick stain so everyone will know you got some
Appreciates mahogany
Probably wearing lacy culottes under there
Can tell your friends she’s a Moschino model so they won’t know she’s evil bitch

Cons:
Possibly feels like plastic
Might be a Real Doll

Cato

Pros:
Will keep his “game face” on during sex
Hottie with a body

Cons:
Will probably say he loves you and then kill you
Likes murder
Splashes blood around
Slits the throats of children

Haymitch

Pros:
Will always drink more than you so you can still feel like a lady

Cons:
Whiskey dick
People will keep think you’re dating Matthew McCaughnahey
He will never find it funny when you yell “Hey, Mitch!” to get his attention.

–Becky Lang, Heidi Thomasoni, Kelsey McDonough and Katie Sisneros