1. They’re all the same height and size, making them feel like a pack of Crayola Diversity Crayons, or a Bonne Bell Lip Smackers First Kiss kit.
2. They don’t have the word “Backstreet” in their name, via not pretending to be from the “backstreets” but instead the backroom of Hot Topic, neatly folding jeans, I imagine.
3. None of them is “the hairy one” or “the kinda ugly one.” All of them might still be “the secretly gay one.”
4. You don’t know you’re beautiful. And that’s what makes you beautiful.
5. They have a Gryffindor vibe. The Backstreet Boys were total muggles.
6. Their pants make everyone uncomfortable.
7. They seem like Justin Bieber’s long-lost cousins who can probably mate with all of Selena Gomez’ long-lost cousins. I assume The X Factor is assembling that counter girl band as we speak.
8. They’ve already been on SNL and even played Sophia Vergera’s children. (Even Manny is swooning.)
9. My boyfriend asked me if they were “invented by Disney.”
10. They look like a bunch of puppies in a cardboard box. The Backstreet Boys looked more like a line of customers buying chew.
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