You recently posted a photo of your new comforter on Facebook and/or Tumblr: You’re a 20- or 30-something with a relatively boring office job that stresses you out, but leaves you with enough expendable cash to frequent Happy Hour almost every night, get sushi delivered, and order comforters with bird prints from IKEA and West Elm. You’re single.
You have a duvet, but no duvet cover: You asked for a duvet as a gift before you left home for college. After receiving the duvet and plaid cover from your grandmother, you excitedly struggled with putting the cover on the duvet for close to half an hour, muttering and sweating. The first time you got around to washing the cover, you refused to put it back on, and you have no idea what’s happened to it since.
You have a hand-made quilt: You are part of a co-op, and take pride in your weekly work shift. You spend a lot of time in thrift stores, you have an appreciation for really obscure indie bands that put out vinyl albums, and your preferred method of transportation is a bicycle or a skateboard. If a family member made your quilt, you have a photo of said person somewhere in your bedroom and point them out with pride when anyone asks (you hope everyone asks). If you thrifted the quilt, you stare at it when you’re listening to music and wonder about the tragic but beautiful life of the woman who made it, and what each scrap of fabric represents.
You haven’t changed your sheets for as long as you can remember: You’ve spent a lot of time drinking cheap/free watery beer from red Solo cups. If you’re a dude, you used to rule at beer pong (HIGH FIVE BRO). If you’re a girl, you used to get really excited when your partner won games for you at beer pong but get bored enough so that you would wander away mid-game, and then insist on doing keg stands all night. You’re either a bartender or a teacher, or both.
You refer to what’s covering your bed as “linens”: You’ve probably just come back from a week in The Hamptons, and are disappointed to find that your housemaid did not freshly make your bed before your return. It’s okay, you’ll just burn off your frustration with a quick tennis match or game of polo in the backyard. At least, these are the things you fantasize about while you throw another load of Target sheets into the dryer at the corner Laundromat and wonder why the opportunity to marry rich hasn’t presented itself to you yet.