Types of Starving Artist
Starving because they’re niche. “My portraits of nude bus drivers just aren’t selling the way I hoped they would.”
Starving because they live like they’re not starving. “Wasn’t that huge catered party fun? Guess I need to sell another 28 sculptures today.”
Starving because they’re on drugs. “Wow, it’s sweltering in here! No, I’d rather not roll up my sleeves.”
Starving because they don’t want to go grocery shopping. “Fuck! I’m out of cigarettes! Guess I’ll buy some food while I’m out.”
Starving because of an ill-conceived day job. “Why don’t people realize their dogs’ energy fields need maintenance?”
Starving because they’re not in New York. “People who aren’t in NYC only come to gallery openings to peoplewatch and drink the free wine.”
Starving because they’re in New York. “People in NYC only come to gallery openings to peoplewatch and drink the free wine.”
Starving because they’re in a remote prison camp. “The junta probably doesn’t even realize that I’m a trending topic in seven countries.”
Starving because they’re performance artists performing “starvation.” “What are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a gaunt man wearing a diaper and living in a glass box before?”
Starving because they’re bad. “Man, it is way harder than I expected to get a show at a coffee shop! Even the one my mom owns won’t respond to my e-mails. Do you think my JPGs were too big? I’d better re-send them.”
Photo by Raisa Maudit (Creative Commons)