What I meant to do: Clean my apartment.
What I did instead: Watched Bjork’s biophilia performance on the Colbert Report and wondered whether I would look good in a dress that resembles a balloon animal.

What I meant to do: Go grocery shopping.
What I did instead: Ate half a jar of blackberry jam with a spoon. 

What I meant to do: Re-activate my online dating profile.
What I did instead:  Typed up a bulleted list of snarky things I would like to say to the guy who dumped me three weeks ago.

What I meant to do: Spend some quality time with friends.
What I did instead: Spent four hours catching up on Downton Abbey.

What I meant to do: Buy a new pair of gloves.
What I did instead: Rode my bike thirty minutes to the movie theater where I’m positive I left my pair of generic black gloves two weeks ago. Demanded a thorough search of the lost-and-found box even though the theater was technically closed.

What I meant to do: Submit an essay to a literary magazine.
What I did instead: Realized Gotye kind of looks like Mr. Slim Goodbody in his music video for “Somebody I used to know.” Wondered whatever happened to Mr. Slim Goodbody.

What I meant to do: Unclog the sink.
What I did instead:  Looked up “organic methods for unclogging sinks” online, then took a nap.

– Katie Godfrey