2. Passive Aggression is your middle name. Actually, your middle name is probably “Thor” or “Bjorn” or something, but whatever. Nonetheless, it’s too bad that you’re annoyed with your boyfriend for leaving the toilet seat up, because your Norwegian ass would rather die a thousand deaths than actually confront another human. Let him deduce your annoyance by slamming things around or interrupting him with huge sighs whenever he speaks to you.
3. You are so, so pale. This will never change, so save your “tanning bed money” and try to limit your self-loathing while at the beach in the summer with all your super pretty, tan, not-vampirey-looking friends.
4. You blush whenever…
- you must speak in a large group (two people or more)
- someone pays you a compliment
- someone insults you
- someone looks in your general direction
5. You’re expected to eat lutefisk (and LIKE IT!) at every family gathering, no matter what you’re celebrating. Lutefisk-deserving occasions range from “Yay, you’re half-way through your stint in drug rehab!” to “Yay, you were elected as leader of the Free World!” It’s a good thing everyone is too passive aggressive to mention the fact that nobody other than Grandpa actually likes lutefisk, ‘cuz then feelings would get involved. And you know how we feel about feelings.