Man, look at that dude holding his guitar…He looks cool as fuck…I wanna do that…Big time…I should go home and practice. Shit, what was that song called? Fuck, this is gonna mess up the setlist. Is this song 11 or 12? Is he talking? Oh wait the song hasn’t started yet…He was tuning…

What’s he saying? Is that witty banter with the crowd? Shit it is! I bet he’s being hilarious! Look at those girls laughing and smiling! He’s being charming as fuck! I should be listening to this…big time…

Whoa, that roadie has a really old Black Flag shirt…That shirt’s badass…I wonder if I could get that on Ebay…

Concentrate! I should totally be hearing this. I’ll just try to get closer…What’d he say? Did he say that we’re a good crowd? He’s a liar…

Whoops! Shit! i just stepped on that girl’s leg…Uh oh she’s giving me the stink eye…I’ll just smile real big and she’ll know it was an accident…Oh no, that weirded her out way more. Shit, she looks young, I’d better look down.

My shoes are getting really fucking dirty.

I wonder how many more songs there are? I hope it’s almost ov…wait, no I should be positive! I hope there are lots more songs! My legs hurt, No they don’t! People in Africa stand all the time, don’t be a pussy. I hope they keep rocking forever…

Man, that woman sitting down looks like she’s in heaven…Oh man she’s got a drink too, what is that? Is that a wine cooler? They sell those here? That looks nice…

I want another beer. I’m sick of holding onto this can…I wish I had two beers, no three! can I order three beers? Probably not. Wait, how many drinks have I bought? How much am I getting paid for this?

Wait, can I just put this can on the ground? That seems fine right?

OK, I’m going for it, can on the…GROUND! Mission accomplished. Oh that bearded guy’s watching me…Oh he doesn’t like my can move…Well, too bad, old man…

Man I gotta say, if I had a time machine I’d go back in time and write that ZZ top song, “La Grange” That song’s fucking badass.

Whoa, I’m getting sleepy. This buzz is gonna wear off and then we’re headed straight for headache-town. Man that guy is dancing crazy, at least he’s dancing though. Good for that guy…He’s the coolest guy here…That’s right everybody! That guys rock and roll as shit.

Wow. That was beautiful, whatever that last thing was, that was great…What am I gonna say that can explain that though? Those sounds were…good…sounds…

This review is gonna be real bad. I should definitely be writing more stuff down. Why did I agree to do this?

I wish I could remember and retain stuff like Truman Capote did. Didn’t he have like 90% memory retention or something? That’s crazy. I must have like 4%. That In Cold Blood book just wrote itself huh? He probably just looked at stuff and the words came out. What a lucky dickface.

That girl has really pretty hair.

Wait, what’s this song called? Oh shit, I haven’t written anything down in a really long time…I’m gonna need some words to say about this song. Hmm…The song was really smashy? No, that wont work…The guitars sounded…jumbo…Can I say that?

Woop they’re waving! Oh they’re going off stage, oh no…We’d better all clap and wait thirty seconds and then act relieved when they come back. I wonder what they do for that minute while everyone’s clapping? I hope they makeout hard…CLAP HARDER EVERYONE! THEY WON’T COME BACK IF YOU DON’T SHOW YOUR LOVE VIA CLAPS!

Do I have time for a beer? How much are those wine coolers?

– Ian Power

Photo: Beirut, by Jay Gabler

Originally published on Drunken Suitcase