Proposed Slogans for Thanksgiving

The only holiday where you get to drug yourself by eating!

A day for making peace before violently overturning an entire culture – plus turkey!

Arguably one of the most denture-friendly holidays.

Trampled shopper’s last meal.

It’s not about presents. It’s about watching your estranged uncle argue with your mom over gelatinous substances.

Because you’re dying for people on Facebook to tell you what they’re thankful for in a humorous, short list.

Wind down with turkey before an epic midnight shift of handing out scratch-off coupons!

Majority celebrated, not minority approved!

Because problems seem temporarily solved by pie.

One of the 273 days when your everyday American has an excuse to pig out.

Keeping the lost practice of stuffing food into a cornucopia alive.

One holiday where no one can make you go to church.

If you hate your family, there’s probably football!

-Becky Lang

Photo by deedoucette