How to Execute a Great Reality TV-Themed Halloween Costume

How to Execute a Great Reality TV-Themed Halloween Costume


Face paint isn’t gonna cut it for this one. You’ll need actual dirt and expired food to rub all over your body and maybe even some feces – it just depends what kind of hoarder you’re going for. Put some leaves in your hair and knock out a couple teeth. Wear a huge down jacket and be continuously pulling emaciated kittens from its many pockets. Tape a dead squirrel carcass to your leg for the perfect finishing touch. Always be saying things like “Back offa my STUFF!”


Extreme Coupon-er
These people are able to blend in with regular citizens, so you can wear relatively normal clothes. Just make sure to have coupons falling out of every pocket and bodily orifice. Carry around a huge purse full of Glade plug-ins and jars of store brand pasta sauce and pass them out to everyone you see. Interrupt other peoples’ conversations with your impressive money-saving stats. Example:
Person 1: “So, my parents just told me they’re getting a divorce.”
Person 2: “Shit, man, I’m so sorry.”
You: “I have enough Hot Pockets to last me 753 years, hahaHAHAHA!”


Toddler in a Tiara
Use sparkly pink velvet to construct some sort of sassy cowgirl outfit that has a thong in the back tons of fringe. The goal is to look innocent and precious, yet also dominating and frisky. Every time someone asks you any sort of question, answer them with an enthusiastic tap dance routine. Bring a friend along to play your mother and continuously kick her in the shins and curse her name to Hell while she fetches you drinks and reapplies your fake eyelashes.


A Child from the Sister Wives Family
Wear something super modest like long-sleeve, floor-length dress made of khaki corduroy and say its your bathing suit. Always be fighting for attention by singing hymns super loud and knitting doilies that say “You should try to love God more” and giving them to people. Get really drunk and tell your friends that you’re not entirely sure which mom is actually your mom. Think about kissing the boy you like, but let your religious guilt get the better of you and go re-braid your pigtails instead.


Holly Madison
Dress up in a Vegas showgirl costume, wear a platinum blond wig and be super fucking boring. Start every sentence with “This one time, at the Playboy Mansion…” and then trail off, lost in the memories of a show that was a zillion times better than the one you’re on now.

Kelsey McDonough