[Receive text message notification: “Callie has posted seven new photos of you on Facebook”]

Oh God…not from the bar.

[Log on]

[Check photos]

[Untag]

[Untag]

[Untag]

Well…that one’s okay I guess.

Wait, I wonder if Jake can see this?

[View profile as Jake]

WHY CAN’T JAKE SEE IT? I’m wearing my sparkle Express tank! My hair is doing that cute flippy thing! I was at the bar with people! Being social. Jake likes social.

So if Callie posted it, and Jake is not friends with Callie. HOW DO I MAKE IT VISIBLE TO HIM? Okay, okay, I’ll just repost it to my own wall, with some cutesy tag-line.

[Post pic]

[Type: “Great time last night! Can’t wait for this weekend !”]

Does that make me sound too into going out? Like “I can only be happy if I’m out at a bar and would hate to spend a quiet night at home with you watching movies but really having sex on your futon?” Oh no. Jakes likes movies. And sex. I think.

[Delete delete delete]

[Re-type: “This was fun!”]

Really? Was it fun? GOD this is lame. I need a reason for posting this. Something that is witty/timely/going to draw Jake into my sex den.

[Delete delete delete]

[Re-type: “I didn’t notice this before…but that guy in the background totally looks like James Murphy! Doppelganger!”]

Nice. Not embarrassing. I like music. I know about things.

[Post]

[View profile as Jake]

Good, he can see it now. God, Callie looks so weird. Now he’ll think I hang out with people who have snaggleteeth. Jake hates snaggleteeth. His parents are dentists. You’re not Kirsten Dunst, okay Callie?! Snaggleteeth are not sexy.

[Crop pic]

[Re-post]

[Delete first posting]

Okay better…SHIT can Callie see this? Will she know I cropped her out?

[View profile as Callie]

Oh God she can see it…but the tooth. We all told you to smile lips closed.

[Adjust pic privacy settings]

[Make post visible to friends, except Callie]

[View profile as Callie]

Good, it’s gone.

[View profile as Jake]

OH GOD. Forgot to re-type tagline. Looks like I’m self glorifying. Jake hates self-glorifying.

[Delete]

[Re-crop]

[Re-tagline]

[Re-post]

[Re-make post visible to friends, except Callie]

[View profile as Jake]

Perfect. WAIT. Did Mindy just like this pic. OH GOD NO. She commented.

“Sooo much fin last nite. Remember those body shots Lauren??? J”

NO NO. Two misspellings. And an emoticon. Jake is going to think I’m a whore. A whore with whorish friends who like emoticons.

[Delete post]

[Re-crop]

[Re-tagline]

[Re-post]

[Re-privacy—visible to friends, except for Callie/Mindy]

Perfect.

– Lily Ross