Jersey Shore Finishing School
Always speak with a tone of elegance and refinement. Proper grammar and conversational topics are a must for catching a beau.
“He speaks well English.” (Deena)
“You like the boobs?!” (also Deena)
“Face down, ass up…that’s the way I like to have a good time.” (Deena again)
Be sure to take interest in gentlemanly pursuits like politics and sports. Men like a woman who is well informed.
“I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us. Like, McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning…because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.” (Snooki)
Manners are always appreciated. Ladies should sit up straight with their legs crossed at the ankle. A pinky should be raised whenever sipping from a glass, all the while being sure not to spill. Never draw attention to yourself by lashing out at others.
Have passions and dreams; always be working to achieve your aspirations.
“My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a juiced, hot, tan guy, and live my life.” (Snooki)
Be well versed in the kitchen. A good meal is the quickest path to a man’s heart.
“I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.” (Snooki)
When walking, be sure not to sway your hips from side to side, too much motion attracts the wrong eyes. When wearing heels remember to step surely, as a wrong step may cause you to falter.
Always keep an air of mystery about yourself.
Snooki: “Wanna fuck?”
Above all, remember to put your friends first and treat each other with respect.