Last weekend I was at this party, and I was talking with these two girls and this third girl who wasn’t there came up in conversation.
“You know,” said one of these girls, “she got pregnant when she was 20.”
“Oh,” said the other one, her eyebrows raising. “Really? Did she keep it?”
“Did she give it up for adoption?”
And then there was this awkward silence. Like, how do we let this conversation continue without having to say the word abortion? Because God forbid that three pro-choice women say that word. I just left and went to get another drink, but here’s my belated passive-aggressive contribution to that convo: hey, you know what? I had an abortion too. And I wasn’t young, and I wasn’t dumb, and it wasn’t the end of the world.
At the time I was on-again, off-again with this guy I’d been official with for a while, then we broke up, then we were like, well, I dunno, maybe, well, okay, let’s just keep fucking. It was stupid amounts of drama. That may be one reason we drank so much, and then one night—yeah. I wasn’t even that drunk. Things just got to that point, and we were all emo, and the condom was across the room—yeah, across the room, I know, I know—and I was like, fuck it, probably nothing’s going to happen, and if it does, we’ll figure it out.
So it did, and we did. Or, more precisely, I did.
I’m not saying it was a walk in the park. I’m not saying it was fun, or easy. I’m not saying it wasn’t scary. I’m not saying I want to go get a punch card for the clinic. It sucked. But it happened, and thank fucking God I had the choice, and fuck whoever’s out there talking about me like they were talking about that other girl.
The people who think I’m a murderer, at least they shout it out. Then there will probably be the proud pro-choicers who will comment on this post being like, WE SUPPORT YOU BB! Cool, thanks. The rest of you: it’s confusing, right? Yeah, I know. So talk about it. Don’t talk to me, because I’ve got shit to do. But talk to someone. Don’t just not think about it or ignore it, because if it’s not you or someone you know, some day it’s damn well going to be.