How I know her: I interviewed her a few years ago for a piece I was writing on the youth spoken-word scene.
Our last Facebook interaction: She posted on my wall in December asking me to get in touch with her. I don’t remember why.
Birthday greeting: She quotes my controversial blog post about a local theater’s “Community Superstars” program, tells me I’m her favorite journalist, and says “revolution lies at the base of your heart.” Flattery will get you everywhere! Grade: A

How I know him: He blogs about the Minnesota Fringe Festival for the Twin Cities Daily Planet, where I’m his editor.
Our last Facebook interaction: We both RSVPed to a Fringe show.
Birthday greeting: Sorry, but that’s just gross. Grade: D

How I know her: She’s an editor at a creative writing blog in Australia; she found The Tangential and thinks we’re cool.
Our last Facebook interaction: I RSVPed, kind of ironically, to an event she created last month that’s actually an advertisement for a female housemate in Melbourne.
Birthday greeting: Again with the “barfday”…but she gets points for the Simpsons pic, plus the fact that I’m pretty sure this is my only birthday greeting from Australia. Grade: B+

How I know him: He goes to a lot of local music shows.
Our last Facebook interaction: On August 3, I posted a photo of my messy desk on his wall in response to his photo of his cozy and tidy workspace.
Birthday greeting: Not quite sure what “you did a birthday” means, but…is that a zeppelin cake?! Grade: A-

How I know her: She’s a local dancer; I’ve written about her shows.
Our last Facebook interaction: She posted a comment thanking me for my review of her Fringe show.
Birthday greeting: A wish for JOY in all caps, and a special birthday song—that took some extra effort. Grade: B+

How I know her: She’s a local musician who played the one and only music show I ever booked, a one-year anniversary show for the Daily Planet’s Arts Orbit blog.
Our last Facebook interaction: We both RSVPed to “I WILL vote NO on the marriage amendment!”
Birthday greeting: Har har. I think this got more likes than any other birthday greeting. Grade: A-

How I know her: She’s my ex-girlfriend’s mom.
Our last Facebook interaction: In September 2009, she commented on a picture of me as a kid saying how cute I was.
Birthday greeting: Not everyone would post a birthday wish for a guy who you haven’t seen since he and your daughter stopped dating two years ago, so I guess that means she really, truly wants me to have a happy snappy birthday. Trivia fact: after a divorce, she made up her own last name by combining the names of her three daughters. Grade: B

How I know her: We used to work together at the Science Museum of Minnesota. I still have a mix tape she made for me.
Our last Facebook interaction: Yesterday she shared my post about walking out of Miranda July’s movie The Future.
Birthday greeting: Timely reference! Grade: B+

How I know him: He’s an editor on this blog.
Our last Facebook interaction: He commented on a photo of me with my niece, asking jokingly (I think) whether she was my daughter.
Birthday greeting: Another timely reference! This one to the fact that on Thursday night, a rip-roaring fist fight broke out right next to Becky Lang and me at Liquor Lyle’s. Grade: B+

How I know her: She’s a local artist, but I don’t think we’ve ever met in person.
Our last Facebook interaction: We both RSVPed to a zombie pub crawl last October.
Birthday greeting: I appreciate the compliment—but this is a little forward for someone I’ve never actually met, especially with the naked pic. Grade: D-

How I know her: She’s a local writer.
Our last Facebook interaction: In April, she wrote a complimentary wall post about the Daily Planet’s “Who is that?” feature.
Birthday greeting: I like non sequiturs! Wait, that is a non sequitur…right? Grade: A-

How I know her: We met last year at a luau party.
Our last Facebook interaction: She posted on my wall on April 8: “You are so weird.”
Birthday greeting: Now that’s a non sequitur! Things have been a little awkward between us after I unfollowed her on Twitter because she was live-tweeting her construction of a sundae. I think this merits a refollow. Grade: A

How I know her: She just friended me after I blogged about being blackballed from the Chanhassen Dinner Theatres because of my “unnecessarily snarky” review of their production of Jesus Christ Superstar—which she was a cast member in. The Internet is weird.
Our last Facebook interaction: “You and Emily Rose Skinner: Facebook friends since today.”
Birthday greeting: There’s a little guilt trip hidden in there, but it’s a nice sentiment. Grade: B-

How I know him: He goes to a lot of local music shows.
Our last Facebook interaction: We were tagged together in a photo of a barbecue at our friends’ house in June.
Birthday greeting: Rimshot! Grade: B+

How I know her: She writes for the Daily Planet.
Our last Facebook interaction: In February, I commented on her photo of a “Daily Planet” sign she found in Hollywood. I pointed out that there’s also a Daily Planet brothel in Australia.
Birthday greeting: Nice idea, but then she promptly sent me an article to edit. Grade: B

How I know her: She’s a local photographer who often shoots for the Daily Planet.
Our last Facebook interaction: We both RSVPed to a barbecue in May.
Birthday greeting: When I decide to drunkenly dance to Juana Molina, I don’t half-ass it. Grade: A

How I know her: We went to high school together.
Our last Facebook interaction: She posted on my wall in 2008: “I am glad you are living your dream!”
Birthday greeting: Nice reference to freshman year, when I asked the newspaper advisor Señora Cowan (also the Spanish teacher) if I could be the St. Agnes Hi-Times‘s movie critic. Señora Cowan responded by suggesting that Andrea and I team up: “You can go to the movie together, and then discuss it over an ice cream sundae! You’ll like Andrea…she’s just like you, very mature.” We never went to a movie together, but we collaborated on a couple of reviews by phone. Grade: A

How I know him: He was one of my advisors in grad school.
Our last Facebook interaction: I tagged him in April when I posted “Ten Strange Things I’ve Done to Earn Money,” including a stint as David’s research assistant.
Birthday greeting: It’s a simple little greeting, but it’s nice to know that when you coauthor a book with someone, he remembers you on your birthday. Grade: B+

How I know her: She’s a local music journalist.
Our last Facebook interaction: Earlier this month I tagged her in a Daily Planet post about ticket scalping that included comments from her.
Birthday greeting: Andrea and her significant other Ben live across I-94 from me, and we can see each other’s houses. They like posting about stalking me, and have even coined the hashtag #creepinonjaygabler. We all need our voyeurs. Grade: A

How I know him: He’s an executive producer at MPLS.TV.
Our last Facebook interaction: We both RSVPed to the Open Streets event in Minneapolis in June.
Birthday greeting: Nice dry humor…but I was actually born Jason, so that’s a little bit of a fail. Grade: A-

How I know them: They’re my 1,350 Facebook friends who haven’t posted on my wall for my birthday.
Birthday greeting: Oh, I see how it is. You’re just gonna ignore me? On my birthday? Now we’ve got beef, and I’m unfriending you all. Grade: F

– Jay Gabler