“lol, i put my shoes on before i put my underwear on #priorities” (@Nicole_Alicia_, July 1)

“oh and fyi, i am going to my cabin but not til monday! I have a shaman meeting monday i can’t miss!” (@Nicole_Alicia_, July 1)

“DOG PARK” (@Nicole_Alicia_, July 2)

“Did I really NEED to take my Diet Mountain Dew into the bathroom with me?” (@kel4000, July 2)

“I denied myself burmuda onion dip for a full decade until today And now I’m like a whore for it. Whar are the ruffles biatchez!!?” (@winnerbowzer, July 3)

“drank too much sunscreen” (@kristaprints, July 5)

“just started my day with some yoga and incense… feeling so good right now. #cliches #nonefucks” (@ClaireMPLS, July 8 )

“Oh America!!!! Oh eagle land!!!!” (@Nicole_Alicia_, July 10)

“the word ‘bed’ looks like a bed #gnight” (@serenesupreme, July 11)

“Watch out downtown, I’m doris fucking day!” (@myfakeyelashes, July 13)

“Why am I sweating? This is gross.” (@Moonguts, July 16)

“I have to poo so bad! #toomuchdancing” (@jacknilles, July 17)

“How did I get in this station wagon, and is it going to Taco Bell?” (@Scheidio, July 17)

“How the hell did we spend $17 at Taco Bell?” (@Scheidio, July 17)

“HAIL SANTANA” (@crispinbest, July 17)

“I kinda want to go to the mall” (@imandrealoza, July 18)

“Almost late to work cuz I had to cut gum out of my chest hair.” (@sexynaythen, July 20)

“Anyone else writin in their undies?” (@SallyHedberg, July 20)

“Sometimes I’m like, ‘Wow, I’m smart.'” (@ThatWhiteBitch, July 20)

“Wtf people why are you eating leann chin it’s fucking hot out” (@myfakeyelashes, July 20)

“I’m never getting a Toyota Venza. Fuck those commercials.” (@leckybang, July 20)

“That run was so hot I think I peed a little whenever I coughed, hocked a loogie, changed the song, or took a step. hahaha but seriously.” (@kel4000, July 20)

“saying ‘candy beans’ instead of ‘jelly beans’ makes me :/” (@leckybang, July 22)

“that’s probably gonna go on @jaygabler’s boring tweet list. oops.” (@leckybang, July 22)

“Kinda want to listen to 90s booty jams alone in a dark room.” (@KoalaGanache, July 23)

“fuck far right views” (@katenash, July 25)

“miiiiiiiiiiiiiiigraine.” (@lindsaylelivelt, July 25)

“THEY SHOULD MAKE A FILM WITH PENGUINS IN” (@crispinbest, July 26)

“miiiiiiiiiiiiiiigraine strikes back!” (@lindsaylelivelt, July 26)

“I’m pretty sure I forgot to rinse properly in the shower this morning, i simply reek of soap.” (@giosmelly, July 28)

“ME WANT FOOOOOOOD.” (@LinneaLaQua, July 28)

“At the airport in Atlanta. Really nothing to say about it. Some fat people.” (@MIIICHELLLLLLE, July 28)

“Get drunk. Tell 100 people I have a boner for them. Silent exit. Buy milk on the way home. #fridaynight” (@giosmelly, July 30)

– Selected by Jay Gabler

Photo of Becky Lang by Angela Richie, photo of candy/jelly beans by kayaker1204 (Creative Commons)