Other Possible Plots for A Movie About Pitchfork
The upcoming Pitchfork movie has an interesting plot. Here are some other approaches they could have taken:
-A documentary that just shows singer-songwriters crying at their negative reviews and talking to the camera saying, “Why do they hate me? I’m just trying to make muuuusic!”
-A bored alien with six fingers, by some divine coincidence, receives an RSS feed from Pitchfork.com. Through it, he analyzes the human race as a species devoted to square art featuring blurs and triangles, who can only comprehend value on a 100 point scale between 0.0 and 10.0.
-Ryan Schreiber was against putting ads on the Pitchfork. His business partner thought it was time. There were canoeing twins. They put up ads for whiskey, and whatever else was hip in 1995 and it totally worked. They even got to leave Minneapolis.
-A fictional story wherein Pitchfork gets in a fight with M.I.A. that makes the Lynn Hirschberg scandal look like a Strawberry Shortcake tea party. Those Anonymous guys take her side and shut down Pitchfork using tech nerdery. No one knows what to listen to anymore because there’s no Best New Music, so Billy Joel gets cool again, or something.
-Chuck Klosterman produces a documentary about the impact of Pitchfork on popular culture. It’s structured as a road trip around the country, wherein he does a lot of drugs using his car lighter.