Welcome to The Tangential Inner Beauty Salon. Before you enter the premises please remove your shoes as we believe that dirt from the soles represents the dirt in your soul. Also, no menstruating women.
Your experience begins with our signature Selfishness Enema. Enjoy the benefits of having one of our Inner Beauty consultants flush your system of toxins, nest-feathering, jealousy, ego, tested-on-bunnies eyeshadow, and general sticky-icky feeling. Both your peers and your colon will thank you.
For those having that less-than-fresh battle with inconstancy with minor bouts of corruption, continue on your journey with our non-invasive Integrity Implants procedure and a complimentary Deep Character Conditioning. Your scalp will tingle with tea tree oil and steadfastness.
Is your bigotry getting a little untamed these days ladies? Pamper yourself with an expert Hatred Filing. We use the big cheese grater looking thing on this one because as everyone knows, you hold the most hatred in the places that are not properly exfoliated. It’s also where you soak up the most self-tanner.
Take a break from all the self-actualizing work you (we) are doing and relax with a healthful and invigorating beverage at our smoothie station!
List of flavors for the summer months:
Wanna Mama Fertility Booster: folic acid, banana, Frank (employed), ground almond powder, blackberries, PVC pellets, Johnson & Johnson baby shampoo, fat free ice cream
Eternal Blessings From Beyond: fresh papaya, mango puree, Grandma’s ashes, happy tears, grapeseed oil
Accepting Your Destiny: validation, mixed berries, watermelon rind, sense of place, shredded pages from a Joel Osteen book, plain yogurt
After your Rose-colored Lens Polishing, enhance your immunity to self-doubt by taking a long soak in one of our many natural spring water Compliment Baths. We particularly recommend this service if you have recently undergone a Passive Aggressive Extraction (Deluxe package only).
Additional services still being tested for efficacy:
Moral Fiber Filler Injections