Whoa, how did they already make a movie based on a Thought Catalog post and make it go so, so wrong?

I worry about their commitment to quality and detail when they can’t even get Demi Moore to look like the photographer isn’t making off-color comments about her boobs during the poster shoot.

I just kind of feel bad for her right now.

The concept of naming something “According to ___” implies that ___ has a unique worldview that I care about. This should never, ever coincide with Hilary Duff.

This movie doesn’t look stupid, it just physically pains me to imagine how much time they spent brainstorming titles before figuring out they should just call it “Cowboy Bebop: The Movie.”

And I thought golden retrievers were magical as is!

But her parents named her Booky to prevent these types of prepubescent plotworthy crushes.

I might have to hover over this one to see if he’s voiced by Danny DeVito!

Cupid? An adjective?!

Wait, is that Barbara Streisand? Hover a minute. Affirmative. Move on.

–Becky Lang and her boyfriend spend 20% of their time together browsing Netflix and making ironic commentary before finding that one watchable movie. Becky herself tries to hide the fact that she’d be ok with watching Billboard Dad.