I’m no expert on Snooki. I’ve never even seen a complete episode of Jersey Shore. But I’m not going to hate on Snooki, and here’s why.

First of all, what a great name. Snooki. Honestly, the main reason I wrote this post was so that I could write the headline “In Defense of Snooki.” It’s like having @meatpit for your Twitter handle: people are going to talk about you just because they want to say your name. Who “should” we be talking about instead? Influential politicians like Joe and Nancy? Great authors like Jane and George? With names like that, you have to be pretty damned interesting to keep people from falling asleep.

So Snooki’s on the cover of Rolling Stone. Big deal. You know who was on the last cover of Rolling Stone? Elton John—who was the flamboyant Snooki of his day, but now just hangs out in a hair weave and a turtleneck, saying things like, “I’m such a Luddite. I don’t have an iPad, iPhone, computer, or a cellphone.” Snooki speaks to our lives—and by “our lives,” I mean “the lives of anyone who’s reading this on a computer right now.”

So Snooki has a book on the New York Times bestseller list. The other day, I overheard someone say, “That’s so sad. There are people who went to school to be authors, and instead it’s Snooki on the New York Times bestseller list.” I don’t know what you people want from Snooki. She’s on TV, and you complain that people aren’t reading. She writes a book, and you complain that they’re reading Snooki’s book.

I mean, have you read a book written by someone who went to school to be an author? They write things like, “In the midst of absolving brightness I saw the beautiful answer and it was Kenny.” How is that so much deeper than Snooki? Or, from a different book: “The land here had betrayed itself, its gnarly topography and wealth of extractable resources discouraging the egalitarianism of Jefferson’s yeoman farmers.” I am not going to judge America for not wanting to read that.

Spare me the armchair analysis complaining that the youth of America all want to be like Snooki. My friend and her coworkers all follow their ex-coworker’s girlfriend on Twitter, because this girl does things like post adoring Twitpics of her boyfriend’s hairy back and once live-tweeted a miscarriage. (“Pieces of the baby are falling out right now!”) No one wants to be like that, but they can’t look away.

What if MTV showed up with a video crew at your door right now and said, “Okay, you’re right. Snooki is bad for America. Instead, we’re going to make a reality show about your life. Please, just proceed with what you were doing.” Would your enlightened moral superiority vis-à-vis Snooki send ratings through the roof? No? Because, you are perhaps thinking, the people of America would foolishly rather watch Snooki in a bikini on the beach than watch you in a peacoat at a coffee shop?

Fine, then. If you must, blame America. But don’t blame Snooki.

– Jay Gabler