For the past few weeks we’ve been checking on on Foursquare—not to brag about all the cool places we go, but to help us remember what the hell happened while we were blacked out on Skittle-infused vodka. Here are some of our recent check-ins.

7:53 PM, January 28: State Theatre
Shit, were we supposed to wear scarves and no one told us? Everyone here is wearing a scarf.

3:35 PM, January 29: Dunn Bros. Coffee
We’re here for a REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING. It has nothing to do with us, and we’re watching it from across the room.

7:18 PM, January 29: Ordway Center for the Performing Arts
Wait, were we supposed to wear leopard print? Everyone here is wearing leopard print. Did they hunt faux leopards in Rice Park?

7:57 PM, January 30: Mississippi Market
Shit! They’re out of goddamn quail eggs!

9:36 PM, January 30: The Hottie Palace
HEYOOOO!!!!!!

2:12 PM, January 31: Spyhouse Coffee Shop
How can you call yourself a spyhouse when you don’t serve White Russians?

2:07 PM, February 4: Lowry Hill Liquors
Homer, we need more vodka.

11:32 PM, February 4: Sigma Pi Iota Zeta
Some bro named Chad just did a body shot off Katie. She’s into it.

12:26 PM, February 7: Zipp’s Liquors
Buying decaf Four Loko, and cocaine.

10:01 PM, February 11: Varsity Theater (Best Coast & Wavves)
Look at these fucking hipsters.

1:01 PM, February 13: Jacob and Jennie’s Domicile
Threesome! A little afternoon delight.

2:21 AM, February 16: Sean’s Beast Van
Boom. CHICKA.

2:56 PM, February 17: Uptown Rainbow Foods
Did they ship this produce in Chairman Bob’s briefs?

7:39 PM, February 21: ZRS Fossils and Gifts
Don’t they have anything NEW here?

6:32 PM, February 23: Chanhassen Dinner Theatres
At “Jesus Christ Superstar,” instead of dinner rolls they have communion wafers. Classy touch.

11:07 PM, February 23: Sarah’s Sex Palace
“Is there a Foursquare special for the mayor of Sarah’s Sex Palace?” “You get to watch me throw up on my shower curtain.”

– Jay Gabler