It’s Wednesday and here at The Tangential, Wednesday is the day we set aside for reflection, watching Tuesday night shows on Hulu, and sometimes going to pub trivia. But mostly it’s for reflection. This week’s reflection session (or reflecks sesh for all our Tween readers) forced us to reveal our greatest fears. And combine them. Sort of a terrifying portmanteau.
Try it! It’s a gas!

Swimming in debt with thousands of tiny crabs

Realizing you’re not very good at anything and you raped someone on accident

Having shingles while buried alive

Watching spiders fail at their dreams

Hosting a house party that no one comes to, subsequently becomes a house fire

Being poked with my father’s ingrown toenail while lying on the wet floor beneath a urinal

Breaking a tooth doing mental math

Arriving unprepared and having to lecture about something you don’t understand to a class full of middle-aged women with red wine breath

Waking up 35, single, and stuck in an elevator

Being swarmed by a school of sharks, all of whom are telling how how much everyone in your life hates you

Sprinting through a moonlit corn maze being pursued by zombies and tearing off your fingernails one by one, tossing them behind you to assuage the hungry hoard

Your mom walking in on you catching AIDS

Falling off an eighteen story building and landing face first at the front of a classroom naked

The bottom half of my face falling off, my dog choking on it and dying

Cutting my finger nails on a chalk board

Finding out the cancer that has been slowly eating away at your vital organs has also been sleeping with your boyfriend

Falling in love with a gay guy while losing teeth because I can’t afford the dentist

Accidental pregnancy and finding out I’m unable to have children

Discovering you have Alzheimer’s disease when your wife leaves you for another man while you’re standing in the middle of the mall, and you can’t find your way out

Eating a poisoned strawberry that only wanted his dad to notice him

Telling your father you’re gay and you’re not very proud

– Emily Weiss, Jason Zabel, Jay Gabler, Becky Lang, Sarah Heuer, and Katie Sisneros have issues, ok?