If we quit talking about these things, maybe they will go away. Just kidding they won’t, because they are important parts of human nature and capitalism. But maybe if we quit talking about them, people will have fewer chances to look self-righteous and more time to do pilates.

1. Famous women getting Photoshopped in magazines.

2. The destruction of the adolescent attention span.

3. The listlessness of twentysomethings.

4. Celebrities doing cocaine.

5. Sarah Palin saying words wrong.

6. Facebook’s efforts to make money.

7. Franchised food being fattening.

8. Teenagers sexting.

9. Athletes doing shameful penis-related things.

10. Hard evidence of politicians being cool in their youth.

–Becky Lang would have a shorter attention span if she weren’t so listless.