Monday evening marked the first ever jam sesh of The Tangential’s answer to Das Racist, tentatively entitled Das Politically Correct (or, alternately, Das White Guilt). After working together to pen our first hit single Combination Barnes&Noble and Whole Foods, I was inspired to re-imagine the names of prominent hip hop/rap collectives as if they were fronted by The Tangential staff (as in, middle class, over-educated millennials of undoubtedly-Scandinavian ancestry).

Diddy Dirty Money = Taylor Swift’s Roth IRA

Black Eyed Peas = Swedish Meatballs

Far East Movement = Buying a Townhouse in the Suburbs

Public Enemy = Public Servant

A Tribe Called Quest = A Carpool Called Quest

Aesop Rock = Aesop Light Rock

Arrested Development = Arrested Development the TV Show

Young Money = Trust Fund Baby

Beastie Boys = Beastie Gender-Inclusive People

Boyz II Men  = Eagle Scouts

Earth, Wind & Fire = Earth, Wind & Fire Safety HR Training

Lil Jon and The East Side Boyz = St. John and The Apostles

N.E.R.D. = MIT Alumnus

Salt-N-Pepa = NaCl and Piper Nigrum

Terror Squad = War on Terror Squad

Wu-Tang Clan = Jew-Tang Clan

Naughty By Nature = Nifty By Intelligent Design

Bonethugs-N-Harmony = Orthopedists-N-Harmony

Cypress Hill = Contraceptive Pill

RUN-DMC = YOGA-PTA

– Sarah Heuer was secretly pleased that it took four days for the Sharpie to wear off her knuckles.