January 5th, 2010. An extremely inebriated female was pulled from the stage Wednesday night after clumsily trying to hump one of the pianos during Shout House’s Dueling Pianos 80s night. The incident occurred around 11:45 p.m. in the middle of a rendition of White Snake’s Here I Go Again. Observers described the incident as “disturbing” but also “kind of hot.”
“I looked up and saw this chick on the piano, shaking her ass in the dude’s face. She was all whipping her hair around and pushing her boobs together. It was kind of gross, but I’m pretty sure I still got a boner,” states one anonymous male in neon biker shorts and a fanny pack.
Security attempted to apprehend the woman, who then lost her grip on the piano and rolled off, catching one leg warmer on the microphone. She was left dangling until two men with six popped collars between them managed to release her.
A woman identified as the subject’s “friend” described the incident in harrowing detail.
“[Name redacted] was like, ‘Watch this!’ and jumped up on the stage and, like, barrel rolled onto the piano. I turned to Chad and was like, ‘What’s that crazy bitch doing?!’ And Chad was all, ‘I dunno,’ and I was all, ‘okaaaaay,’ and when it got to that one part in the song, you know, the Here I go again on my ooooown, chucka choo, chucka choo, goin’ down the only road I’ve ever knoooown! Chucka choo, chucka choo, [name redacted] musta like humped too hard or something because she just fell right off. I was totally going to help her, but I didn’t.”
Sources say the woman was not actually attempting to rape or become impregnated by the piano, nor does the piano plan to file sexual harassment charges. All parties were unharmed, and only two bangles and a scrunchie were lost in the incident.